EDITORIAL: Amateur political blog is a joke for Libertarian ticket criticisms

Spike Cohen Libertarian Illinois
Vice presidential candidate speaks before the Libertarian Party of Tennessee during their state convention in January. Cohen received the VP nomination this past weekend (Video screenshot, Muddied Waters Media/YouTube)

(Heartland Newsfeed) — As soon as the top of the Libertarian ticket was declared this past weekend online, trolls pretending to run news organizations went to the attack. This editorial is directed at the amateur shitfest known as The American Thinker.

Some fake journalist by the name of Taylor Lewis did nothing more than attempt a hit piece on the 2020 Libertarian ticket of Jo Jorgensen and Spike Cohen in a “news” article on the site Tuesday. (I have no intention of linking to that joke of a website or the article, which looks like some amateur dumbass implemented some beginner bullshit, e.g. Blogger or some outdated blogging platform.)

From the article:

The Libertarian Party, of which Rep. Amash briefly sounded out a presidential bid, has ratified its ticket to the White House. Jo Jorgensen, a Clemson lecturer, was chosen as its presidential contender, while anarchist podcaster Spike Cohen secured the vice presidential spot. The convention took place within the libertarian’s natural habit: online. Over one thousand delegates crammed into a Zoom meeting to determine their standard-bearers.

Taylor, we had no choice but to do our nominating business online, because of the COVID-19 pandemic. The Libertarian National Committee make the invocation of the impossibility clause for the original venue in Austin earlier this month.

The author attacks Cohen because he was part of Vermin’s original ticket

In this case, Jorgensen, a ho-hum academic, has been odd-coupled with Cohen, an acolyte of Vermin Supreme, the perennial joke candidate and hustings staple who dresses like a peripatetic magus.

Taylor apparently dislikes Vermin, who utilizes a fake platform of free ponies and mandatory toothbrushing to garner the Bernie Bros, then hits the follow-up with the Libertarian platform. It’s the perfect combination for a one-two punch. Sure, maybe Vermin has ran joke campaigns in the past, but compared to prior races over the past four decades, his 2020 campaign operations were more serious than ever before.

Cohen’s platform, on which he ran, is perverse. It includes pleas to legalize recreational plutonium, construct a Waffle House on every corner, impeach the entirety of the Supreme Court’s bench and replace the robed justices with a bib-overalled janitor, and go back in time to kill baby Woodrow Wilson. Whether any of these proposals is serious or not isn’t worth asking. Cohen says a My Little Pony movie convinced him to change his name to “Spike,” transposing his baptismal name of Jeremy. Nothing he professes is serious.

Sure, Spike is joking about most of these things. However, it would be nice to see a Waffle House on every street corner. That would certainly counter the Starbucks on every street corner. (I’m still waiting for the taco trucks on every corner from 2016.) It’s still more entertaining than hearing bullshit from two senile, 70+-year-old racist men and their VP monkeys. The same is facing accusations of some sort of sexual impropriety.

Libertarian voters know the pragmatic reality of Federal elections, stop rubbing it in

If you had your chips on 2020 finally being the L.P.’s breakout year, you can call your loss now. Whatever gravitas Jorgensen may have brought to the ticket has been bollixed with the ascension of Cohen.

REALITY: We know the Libertarian Party won’t win. It was never really about the presidential race, unless it determines major party status and easier ballot access.

I’m not completely sold with the ticket. However, I’m not going to waste the five months and change remaining until election day to attack the ticket. Apparently, Mr. Lewis isn’t a Libertarian. I’ve been a Libertarian voter since 2010, a member of the Libertarian Party of Illinois since 2013 and a member of the national party since 2016.

The duopoly has the wrong kind of attention, not Spike Cohen

As Cohen attracts the wrong kind of attention for a third party long begging to be taken seriously, the Republican Party can breathe a sigh of relief. Whatever exiguous concerns GOP heads had that the Libertarian Party would present a respectable alternative to Donald Trump or Joe Biden have been allayed. And they don’t have to wait for the candidate to express her ignorance of world affairs on Morning Joe.

Do you really want to know what’s the wrong kind of attention, Taylor? Joe Biden fondling the breasts of women during press conferences and sniffing their hair. Donald Trump stating, “Grab them by the p****.” The fact the duopoly is pushing two senile old racists and alleged rapists? THAT is the wrong kind of attention.

A profile picture of Spike Cohen lying shirtless on the beach with nipples erect? Gary Johnson’s Aleppo moment? Far from being the wrong kind of attention.

The author makes invalid claims comparing the 2016 Libertarian campaign of Johnson/Weld

In 2016, Gary Johnson and Bill Weld could at least cite prior executive experience as a selling point. And despite plenty of jokey verbal miscues, both erstwhile governors made a case for sensible, middle-of-the-road solutions to seemingly intractable national problems. Johnson’s twee tagline of being “fiscally conservative and socially cool” was inoffensive enough for cautious suburbanites.

There’s a real defined difference between Johnson and Weld. I did get a chuckle during his interview with Samantha Bee. Not so much on CBS when Weld essentially endorsed Hillary Clinton before a national television audience.

Jorgensen is already promising to be a “practical and principled” candidate who will “run a more serious campaign.” That assurance has already fizzled out with a scamp like Cohen as her deputy. With the same warmed-over party planks as the last presidential go-around, it’s hard to see the L.P. gaining any more ground. The party remains where libertarians are most comfortable: on the fringe.

Taylor’s assumption is hypothetical at best. Honestly, it borders pretty damn close to being a conspiracy theory. Sure, the nominees don’t have big-name value, but there are five months and change to prove otherwise. Voter support quadrupled under two different Johnson tickets in 2012 and 2016. Until the smoke clears from the convention, there will still be assumptions that voter support will plummet. Will it drop to 2004 or 2008 levels, or just drop to Johnson 2012 levels? Hard to tell when election day is still quite some time away.

2020 MIGHT be a bust, but let’s focus on the Libertarian down-ticket

This year is a bust.

Maybe. Maybe not. Some states have significant ballot access relief for the down-ticket. If the top Federal ticket is a wash, then work on the down-ticket races. I’m certain there are credible races from US Senate and US House to countywide and county board positions.

Jake Leonard, a broadcast media and journalism veteran, is the editor-in-chief of Heartland Newsfeed. Leonard is also GM and program director of Heartland Newsfeed Radio Network and a contributing writer for My Sports Vote, Ambush Sports and Midwest Sports Network. He resides at home in Nokomis, Ill. with his dogs Sparky and Buster.

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