December 4, 2023 1:29 am CST
Mac’s Korner: Week of June 27, 2018
Editor’s Note: We apologize for the delay in content posting from Mac’s Korner. We have enough content to last us for the next three months and will be queued up for publication every Wednesday.
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Three drunk guys entered a taxi. The cab driver knew that they were very drunk, so he started the engine and then turned it off again, then said, “We have reached your destination.
The guy gave him money and the second guy said, “Thank you.”
The third guy slapped the driver, shocking the driver, thinking he knew what was done.
He asked, “What was that for?
The third guy replied, “Control your speed next time. You nearly killed us.
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A man returns from an overseas trip feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of tests.
The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital and the phone at bedside rings.
“This is your doctor. We’ve received the results from your tests and found that you have an extremely nasty virus, which is very contagious.”
“Oh my gosh,” the man cries. “What are you going to do, Doctor?”
“Well, we’re going to put you on a diet of pizza, pancakes and pita bread.”
Confused, the man asks, “Will that cure me?”
The doctor replies “Well….no, but it’s the only food we can slide under the door.
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A BABY TALKING ABOUT BAPTISM: So today at church, a guy in a suit tried to drown me. I kid you not, my family just stood there taking pictures.
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The next time a stranger talks to me when I am alone, I’ll just look at him in shock and just whisper quietly, “You can see me?”
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I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was, “I bet a doughnut wouldn’t have done this to me.”
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I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life — if I die next Friday.
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In French, you don’t say “I miss you.” You say “Ter me manques,” which means “You are missing from me.”
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We all eat lies when our hearts are hungry.
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The secret to having it all is believing you already do.
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God bless till next week.
Three drunk guys entered a taxi. The cab driver knew that they were very drunk, so he started the engine and then turned it off again, then said, “We have reached your destination.
The guy gave him money and the second guy said, “Thank you.”
The third guy slapped the driver, shocking the driver, thinking he knew what was done.
He asked, “What was that for?
The third guy replied, “Control your speed next time. You nearly killed us.
*************
A man returns from an overseas trip feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of tests.
The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital and the phone at bedside rings.
“This is your doctor. We’ve received the results from your tests and found that you have an extremely nasty virus, which is very contagious.”
“Oh my gosh,” the man cries. “What are you going to do, Doctor?”
“Well, we’re going to put you on a diet of pizza, pancakes and pita bread.”
Confused, the man asks, “Will that cure me?”
The doctor replies “Well….no, but it’s the only food we can slide under the door.
*************
A BABY TALKING ABOUT BAPTISM: So today at church, a guy in a suit tried to drown me. I kid you not, my family just stood there taking pictures.
*************
The next time a stranger talks to me when I am alone, I’ll just look at him in shock and just whisper quietly, “You can see me?”
*************
I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was, “I bet a doughnut wouldn’t have done this to me.”
*************
I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life — if I die next Friday.
*************
In French, you don’t say “I miss you.” You say “Ter me manques,” which means “You are missing from me.”
*************
We all eat lies when our hearts are hungry.
*************
The secret to having it all is believing you already do.
*************
God bless till next week.
Lyle "Mac" McElroy has gained much attention over the years by having his family newsletters published in the Nokomis Free Press-Progress and with the viral attention it gained through it's brief tenure on the PanaNewsOnline.com website, McElroy continues his tenure on the Internet to Heartland Newsfeed.
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