Satire/Comedy Archives - Page 5 of 6 - Heartland Newsfeed

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rix quinn

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Rix Quinn’s Minute Story Extravaganza: November 17, 2018

Reading I'd like to salute one of America's greatest unsung heroes. His name was Sterl Artley, a famous reading teacher, who died in 1968. He wrote wonderful stories about Dick and Jane. If you're a Baby Boomer, or a Generation Xer, you may remember them. These kids had a dog named Spot, and a cat named Puff. Mr. Artley's simple stories began with basic words, gradually building children's vocabulary and word recognition skills. Unfortunately, it's hard to find Dick and […]

todayNovember 17, 2018

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Rix Quinn’s Minute Story: Your permanent record

Somewhere in the bowels of the earth -- hidden from your view, but not your employer’s -- lies your “permanent record.” It’s a little like a cold sore…it only shows up when you need to make a good impression. As I remember, teachers warned my about my "record" every time I got in trouble. If that record is still around, it’s got to be really long by now. Anyway, this paper trail supposedly follows someone to high school, to the […]

todayJuly 7, 2018

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Rix Quinn’s Minute Story: Are people ruder today than ever before?

Yesterday I saw a national survey that reports people are ruder today than ever before. So today – along with my sound recorder, my friend Jim, and his dog Kitty -- we conducted our own poll. We asked several people “Are folks ruder today than they were 20 years ago?” Here’s what they said: A high school boy answered: “How should I know? I‘m only 15.” One man said, “Absolutely...and so are the residents of my planet.” Two men asked […]

todayJune 30, 2018

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Mac’s Korner: Week of June 27, 2018

Editor's Note: We apologize for the delay in content posting from Mac's Korner. We have enough content to last us for the next three months and will be queued up for publication every Wednesday. ************* Three drunk guys entered a taxi. The cab driver knew that they were very drunk, so he started the engine and then turned it off again, then said, "We have reached your destination. The guy gave him money and the second guy said, "Thank you." The […]

todayJune 27, 2018

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Rix Quinn’s Minute Story: Moving to a new location

So, you want to move to a new location? Why do you want to move? Would you like a bigger apartment? Would you like a bigger yard? Would you like a bigger dog? Do you want new neighbors? Do want want a swimming pool? Would you like new neighbors with a swimming pool? First, throw away stuff you don’t need, like old gum wrappers, telephone books before 2013, and dead bugs. Keep important things like the TV, the DVD player, […]

todayJune 23, 2018

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Mac’s Korner: Week of April 18, 2018

Mac's Korner: Week of April 18, 2018 I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to go wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles. ***** You don't have to be skinny to be sexy or beautiful. Beauty is the size of your heart, not the […]

todayApril 18, 2018

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Mac’s Korner: Week of February 28, 2018

Here's another riddle: What can fly, but not stand still; devouring all while eating nil; what is wasted, never lent; never earned, but always spent? **** Years ago, a city fellow was driving through Nokomis when his Model A broke down. Luckily, it stopped in front of a house where an elderly man was sitting in a rocking chair on the porch. The driver walked up to the house and asked the man, "Would you happen to have a monkey […]

todayFebruary 28, 2018

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Mac’s Korner: Week of January 24, 2018

Mac's Korner: Week of January 24, 2018 To those who want to plan a family - take the woman's age and the month she conceived, add them together - if odd, it'll be a boy. If even, it will be a girl. It has never failed that I know of. **** I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, photographs and mirrors. **** They say we learn from our mistakes. That's why I'm making as many as […]

todayJanuary 24, 2018

Columnists

Mac’s Korner: Week of January 3, 2018

Mac's Korner: Week of January 3, 2018 If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there. ……. People say I'm dumb, but I earned a Ph.D. in Poopology, so there! ……. I don't mean to brag, but I put a puzzle together in one day and the box said 2-4 years. ……. Life status: currently holding it all together with one bobby pin. ……. Yabba dabba dude...is that you, […]

todayJanuary 3, 2018

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