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Satire/Comedy

48 Results / Page 3 of 6

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school lunches

Columnists

Rix Quinn’s Minute Story: School lunches

It’s been a long time since elementary school, but I still remember those cafeteria lunches. Back then they cost 27 cents each…a great bargain for a hungry ten-year-old. First choice on the cafeteria menu was meat. Most likely it came from the chicken or cow family. If not, it had been an animal at some point in its past. That meat was burger-sized, covered with batter, fried to a golden tan and drowned in grayish-white gravy. It looked like a […]

todayAugust 24, 2019 4

Columnists

Rix Quinn’s Minute Story: Body odor

Body odor comes in all shapes and sizes, from all directions. The first culprit can be bad breath. Some experts recommend tooth brushing twice a day, and flossing. Some also recommend using a tongue scraper, but never in the middle of a party, especially if one is serving finger food. To check your own breath, lick the back of your freshly washed hand, wait for the saliva to evaporate, then smell it. Never lick a dirty hand, or one that […]

todayAugust 21, 2019 3

Columnists

Rix Quinn’s Minute Story: Dandelions

I got a letter asking me this: “Dandelions will grow in my yard, even if I spray weed killer on them, or cut them up. But I have never, ever been able to raise a dandelion in a pot! Why is this?” My first thought was, “Why did somebody ask me? I know only three things about flowers…they’re pretty, brides carry them at weddings, and my wife likes to receive them almost anytime. (Note to self: Think about buying wife […]

todayAugust 14, 2019 6

business career office space brand workplace employees company time affirmations

Columnists

Rix Quinn’s Minute Story: The idea of business

Whoever came up with the idea of business must have been a genius. Without it, we would probably have no money, no banks, no stores, and – worst of all – no fashion. Business is likely as old as the first person who wanted to trade one thing for another. One Neanderthal approached a neighbor, asking, “How about me trade you this fine milk cow for your cranky goat?” The second man misunderstood…and swapped his brother for a cow. But […]

todayAugust 7, 2019 5

remembered

Columnists

Rix Quinn’s Minute Story: How do you want to be remembered?

Several years ago, my father stood with head bowed at a graveside funeral service. As the minister spoke, Dad began reading tombstones immediately nearby. One caught his eye. Just below the birth and death dates were three words: “He grew peaches.” What a revelation, he thought. A man’s entire career summed up in one single phrase. Dad said it made him think about how many notable people get remembered for one thing only. What comes to mind when you think […]

todayJune 8, 2019 7

spring cleaning

Columnists

Rix Quinn’s Minute Story: Spring cleaning

At lunch a few days ago, my friend Tom said he and his wife planned a “spring cleaning” weekend. What a waste of two days! But after I got home, I researched the subject. Actually, this annual ritual is older than athlete’s foot. Even primitive tree dwellers cleaned their nests each April by sweeping away dead branches, poisonous snakes, and out-of-fashion animal skins. So, I wrote down a few suggestions to help speed through this horrible chore. Wear old clothes, […]

todayApril 13, 2019 3

Columnists

Rix Quinn’s Minute Story: Baseball

Hey, it's baseball season! This game requires a glove and a moving bat, but it's got nothing to do with vampires. It takes place on a "diamond," or four bases arranged in a square. There aren't real diamonds involved, so players won't get distracted by bright stones. Offensive players take turns trying to hit a ball thrown by the defensive team's pitcher. However, if the batter thumps the other team's player or an umpire with his bat, he might be […]

todayApril 6, 2019 3

moving day

Columnists

Rix Quinn’s Minute Story: Moving day

Many of us consider moving days stressful. Moves scared me so much I bought a book on getting organized…but then I lost it. But here’s what I remember about changing locations. First, throw away stuff you don’t need, like old gum wrappers, telephone books before 1999 and dead bugs. Keep important things like the TV, the DVD player and that autographed photo from the mud-wrestling championships. Next, sort your papers. For instance, school papers go in one pile. Bills and […]

todayMarch 23, 2019 6

senior rings

Columnists

Rix Quinn’s Minute Story: Senior rings

I’ll never forget the day senior rings arrived. If somebody hadn’t locked me in a toilet stall, I’d have been first in line. If you ask random people whatever became of their senior rings, my guess is they’d say things like… “I don’t know. Have you seen it?” “I wore it until I was 63.” “I gave it to my old girlfriend, who gave it to her new boyfriend.” Did you ever wonder how the senior ring tradition started? Me […]

todayMarch 16, 2019 5

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