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IlliniGuys Sports Spectacular (Weekend of March 1, 2025) Heartland Newsfeed
Many of us grew up during the 1960s. Some, like me, never grew up. But we've continued to age without expiring. Let's see…where was I? Oh, yes. If you grew up back then, you probably remember a neighborhood visitor called the "milk man." He worked for a local dairy, and came by in a truck two or three mornings a week delivering fresh products. Now, back in those days most milk and cream came in thick glass bottles. You would […]
Not long ago, a man I work with asked me how to make a big impression on a first date. For most well-mannered guys, I suggest a fancy restaurant. These generally require a reservation, and few offer a drive-through window. Therefore, the girl will dress nicely. Males should put on a real tie, not that tee shirt with one painted on it. I also suggest that guys follow these basic tips: When you pick up your date, remember your manners. […]
Today, I would like to salute the leisure suit, a huge success of the 1970s. Not long ago, I found one in my closet, hiding somewhere between my tie-died shirts and my bell-bottomed jeans. I still love it, but my wife never lets me wear it to weddings. This incredibly versatile outfit (shirt-like jacket and matching slack) dominated men’s wear. Guys hoped this fashion – which didn’t require a tie – would replace business suits. Some men who chose leisure […]
As I think about summer in Texas, house flies come to mind. Maybe that's because I've been chasing one around the office all morning. It's hard to guess how many there are worldwide, but we know there are 300,000 species. I personally have interacted with several hundred thousand, many of them gathered around my sandwich. Flies are 65 million years old, which means they've been around longer than my aging great uncle. And he may have something in common with […]
We'd like to recognize Charles Perrault, who preserved the folk tales of “Little Red Riding Hood,” “Sleeping Beauty” and many more. We’d bake a cake in his honor, but since he was born in 1628, he’s 375 now. Few folks that age can blow out the candles. Perrault painstakingly transcribed centuries-old stories that taught important lessons like bravery, honesty, and witch avoidance. Before Perrault committed them to paper, folk tales passed orally from one generation to the next. As you […]
It's baseball season, so there's nothing like a sports story. This one's about a kid named Danny. Danny began playing baseball at age eight, and watched every game he could find on TV. He always wanted to hit home runs, but he wasn't particularly strong. When he was 11, he asked his coach how to hit better. "Danny," the kindly coach said, "You're a good place hitter. You can hit the ball where you want it to go. Don't worry […]
My friend Buddy unloaded his home last week. It’s been on the market so long they put mood lighting on the For Sale sign. The house was built during the Great Depression, and that’s how visitors describe it. To call it a “dump” gives garbage a bad name. The yard’s green...but it’s weeds. Buddy says if he can mow it, it can grow there. That may explain what happened to the missing earthworms. The kitchen needs lots of work. Not […]
The old guy ahead of me in the grocery check-out looked about two coughing spells away from the Promised Land. I didn't notice him until he tried to pay with a credit card, and the clerk told him it expired in 1997. Then, he noticed me. "Hey, buddy," he smiled, "how ya doin'? Remember me from high school?" "Sure," I lied, "but I don't remember what class you taught." "Nah," he replied, "I'm Ray, and I sat behind you in […]
When I was a kid, door-to-door sales folks rang our bell all the time. They sold just about anything. One time I bought encyclopedias from a guy at my door. Call me a softie, but I can’t turn down anybody holding 26 books in each arm. I hope he sold that other set, too. Which leads me to ask: When was the last time a telephone sales call really messed up your day? Was the call from a real person, […]
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