rixquinn

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Rix Quinn’s Minute Story: Football’s most important player

EDITOR NOTE: This column is making a return due to slow news cycles. What’s the most important position on a football team? I vote for the center. Some pay more attention to the quarterback or running backs, but without the center, they’d just be standing around. The center starts each play. Although his primary job is to snap the ball to the quarterback, his first mission is to watch how the defense lines up. And if he sees something he […]

todayOctober 4, 2020 58

Columnists

RIX QUINN’S MINUTE STORY: Bananas!

Research appears all the time about monkeys. This, I suspect, is because they’re the second-brightest animals in the world. But, before we discuss recent findings, a little background. Orangutans possess outstanding visual memory. If they see something far away, they remember it. Near-sighted orangutans, therefore, may have short memories. They also boast mechanical skills. Sometimes they stack objects -- one atop the other -- so they can reach food. “Reaching food,” obviously, is a big motivation, followed by “reaching new […]

todayJuly 19, 2020 95

Columnists

Rix Quinn’s Minute Story: Home confinement

House confinement offers several positives. Luckily, I’ve got a little home office, and it’s a place I can go to sleep after my morning coffee. On Monday, I had lots of time on my hands, so I took an online test to gauge my maturity level. It said I was “childish, obnoxious, and apathetic.” It said some other stuff, but I didn’t care. I’ve also started cleaning out the attic. I found my old report cards from high school, along […]

todayApril 14, 2020 51

April Fools Day

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Rix Quinn’s Minute Story: April Fools Day

With the exception of spitting for distance, nothing’s more fun than a good April Fools joke. Some people give gag gifts on this day. Not me…that’s what I do for birthdays. But whatever you buy on this holiday, remember it’s much better to give than receive...especially a depilatory, which I found personally quite painful for nose hair. Sometimes, I actually present real gifts, like games or coloring books. Just about anyone can spend hours with crayons if they’ve got pictures […]

todayMarch 28, 2020 85

Columnists

Rix Quinn’s Minute Story: Home confinement

Wow, what a horrible week. I haven’t been this depressed since my old co-worker married my ex-girlfriend, and he started wearing my senior ring. But, even during bad times, we can find things to make us smile -- even under home confinement. My great Aunt Connie – the one who smells like rancid gravy – isn’t coming to live with you. Fortunately, she’s not coming to live with me either, because I will not agree to financially support her pet penguin. If […]

todayMarch 21, 2020 59

Columnists

Rix Quinn’s Minute Story: Baby boomers

In the U.S. alone, there are about 78 million Baby Boomers. These are people born between 1946 and 1964. Every fourth person you see at the dentist, carwash, or leg waxing salon is a Boomer. This means that (1) we still have some of our own teeth, (2) we may drive around aimlessly, and (3) some of us grow hair where we don’t want it. Boomers lived through both good times (man on the moon) and bad (mooning cars). We […]

todayAugust 31, 2019 57

Columnists

Rix Quinn’s Minute Story: Cheap weddings

My cheap friend Buddy -- who’s tighter than last year’s thong—got married last year. Below is his advice. But my guess is, most brides would veto all these ideas: Location? Ask a friend with a big den to borrow his house. If you remove the furniture, and guests stand up, you can squeeze more in. (And maybe if you invite the neighbors, they’ll let you park cars in their driveways.) Invitations? Handwritten invitations add a personal touch, especially if scribbled […]

todayAugust 28, 2019 77

school lunches

Columnists

Rix Quinn’s Minute Story: School lunches

It’s been a long time since elementary school, but I still remember those cafeteria lunches. Back then they cost 27 cents each…a great bargain for a hungry ten-year-old. First choice on the cafeteria menu was meat. Most likely it came from the chicken or cow family. If not, it had been an animal at some point in its past. That meat was burger-sized, covered with batter, fried to a golden tan and drowned in grayish-white gravy. It looked like a […]

todayAugust 24, 2019 60

Columnists

Rix Quinn’s Minute Story: Body odor

Body odor comes in all shapes and sizes, from all directions. The first culprit can be bad breath. Some experts recommend tooth brushing twice a day, and flossing. Some also recommend using a tongue scraper, but never in the middle of a party, especially if one is serving finger food. To check your own breath, lick the back of your freshly washed hand, wait for the saliva to evaporate, then smell it. Never lick a dirty hand, or one that […]

todayAugust 21, 2019 78

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