QUINN MINUTE: Wild animals as pets

Many towns now prohibit citizens from keeping jungle animals.

What, exactly, is a “wild pet?” That depends on your town, and what its council considers more dangerous than a roving bachelor’s party.

For instance, some communities term boa constrictors “wild.” In others, they’re considered “non-poisonous reptiles with a lethal hug.” That reminds me of my great aunt, who visited us on holidays.

Coyotes, wolves, and hyenas are also wild, even though they disguise themselves as lovable, giant-fanged dogs. My neighbor Charlie once owned a wolf, and it ate four parakeets and two of Charlie’s toes before he wised up and sold it to the sister he never liked.

Extremely large animals, like elephants or rhinos, don’t fit well in back yards. Also, walking an elephant is awkward, and cleaning up after it might require the pet owner to pull a wagon, too.

How about chickens? One community outlawed them, even though few are aggressive, and most are toothless. They were banned not for aggression, but for crowing. No city person wants to hear anybody mouth off at dawn, especially a birdbrain. (Maybe that’s why they forced my friend Dave out of town, too.)

Bottom line: If you want to view carnivorous animals, visit the zoo. If you want to hear a loud animal, invite my friend Dave to a dinner party.

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Rix Quinn

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Rix Quinn is a former magazine publisher who works as an independent biographer and broadcaster.

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